dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
