omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
