At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
