He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm way too hungover for life right now
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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