Please, let me fuck your mom
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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