We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
