The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
