Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
