I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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