Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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