OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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