dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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