He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
