I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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