i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
