you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize