i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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