the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
