I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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