it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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