By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i need some magic done to my vagina
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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