just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
