If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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