I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize