I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Couch. On fire.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
