Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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