Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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