arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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