My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
