Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
