I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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