Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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