I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
