it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
