His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
