omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
