My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
