I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
