That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
