Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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