Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
