Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
