dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
