Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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