I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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