Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
