My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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