thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
