You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The adults are the big ones right?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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