went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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