Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
