I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
