if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
