Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
