I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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