why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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