He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
