420 ftw
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
that is very illegal...i love you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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