She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Houston, we have a blender
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
