You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
