Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
