DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
