Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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