Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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