Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
