That's intense
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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