there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
