TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
