Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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