she woke up with a sticky ear
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
