just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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