Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
