do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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