it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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