Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
