just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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