Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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