pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
