Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
