she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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