Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
