I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize