Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
