stop calling my apartment porn island.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
