please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
