I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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