I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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