did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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