i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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