The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
