He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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