Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
