i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
