barbara walters just said penis...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
