Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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