i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Is it because I queefed?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
