Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
