literally had 100 drinks last night.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize