This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
